A few years ago I wrote about the Hardest Fix of All… This was when I needed to make the decision to help my precious Aladdin cross the Rainbow Bridge.
You can read that story here.
Today, I am going to talk about the 2nd Hardest Fix of all – and that is: Not making the decision to help an animal pass over the Rainbow Bridge.
OMG, can I do this? I CAN do this! I have to do this.
As many of you daily readers know, my beloved lead mare, Mama Tess has been suffering laminitis and founder…
A month ago, on the advice of a specialist, she was moved to a very important equine hospital in my area. She stayed a month and received excellent care. MT looked like a million bucks. However, her feet deteriorated acutely while she was there.
I can only speculate why… And, I cannot think about the ifs/ands/buts because in my heart, I know that her being monitored 24/7 had its advantages in other aspects of her care.
Anyway, on Thursday I got THE call.
Tess’ doctor was on the line with the news that her venogram, which had been viewed by two other consulting specialists in Kentucky, depicted that her left hoof was dead and would not recover due to lack of blood flow. Through tears, he told me that his recommendation was to put her down.
THE 2ND HARDEST DECISION…
I just couldn’t do it.
Even though three doctors and every doctor in the hospital agreed, I didn’t.
I didn’t think she did, either…
It was impossible to look into Tess’ bright eyes and do this thing. She was not there yet. She was trying to heal so I needed to try to help her.
I got on the phone and came up with a plan via listening to the people the doctors didn’t want me to listen to… Alternative medicine people.
Believe me, I didn’t take this information willy-nilly. I wanted proof of past successes, which I received.
And then I went to the hospital and picked up my very alive (albeit painful) mare.
THE SECOND HARDEST FIX OF ALL…
Now, it is up to me and all those who are willing to help her – who are coming out of the woodwork.
An awesome responsibility for us all – in many ways.
For me, and this is interesting to me, I don’t feel as scared or as anxious as before I had her prognosis from the vets… Odd…. However, I’ve come to realize that I’ve already received the worst news possible. I’ve already been told that she cannot survive this. That day has come and gone and, she’s still here – fighting.
Like the aftermath of tornado survivors – the buildings are gone and the whirlwind was horrible – but we’re still here – and we can rebuild.
That is what I say to her and to myself every moment I have doubt.
Doubt does not rebuild. Hope rebuilds.
One day at a time…
Yes, I am scared of infection. I am scared of colic. I am scared of not knowing what I should be looking for… I’m scared of letting you all down. Ultimately, I’m scared of letting her down.
But, I have people who are answering all of my emails, coming out to check on her and giving me tons of support.
Positive Mental Attitude.
POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE
One of the things that bothered me about the atmosphere of the equine hospital – or any hospital, for that matter – was the environment of illness and gloom. The place may be sunny and open, but everyone there is sick and/or anxious.
The technicians are doing their jobs and some are very kinds, but it wasn’t homey there.
For Tess, I knew there was a lot of human doubt regarding her prognosis. I felt it loud and clear. I knew Tess was feeling it, too. This was a very compelling issue for me. I wanted her home.
At home, she has brightened considerably. She nickers when I come to the barn. She looks out her window constantly. If I come in to feed, she gets up. She is interested in what is going on around her. She doesn’t moan or groan. She doesn’t complain. She is engaging again.
Good. Very good.
I promised myself (and Tess and her caregivers) that I would no longer say “if she recovers”. I now am instructed to say, “when she recovers” as part of my daily thought process.
WHEN SHE RECOVERS.
Again, part of me is very reluctant to make any promises because I’ve been told by experts that she cannot recover.
But, I’ve also seen pictures by layman experts that have shown cases much worse – that have recovered and continue to live well.
So, when she recovers, I plan to parade her through the equine hospital and give all of them there the protocol.
And, I plan on writing it up on this blog… so that readers can pay it forward to help all those horses who have similar founder issues.
Pay this forward, MT. Hang in there so we can pay this forward.
Angels, did you hear me?
We have to do this thing.
Together we can and we will.
HORSE AND MAN is a blog in growth… if you like this, please pass it around!