Horses are lovely creatures but they aren’t real good with burglars…

I bring this up because I had a real fright yesterday.  I had a burglar (or so I thought) on the second level of my home.  Now, I shouldn’t assume it was a burglar because truth to tell, it was really more of a Peeping Tom.  But regardless, the horses were of no use.  They didn’t alert me at all.  No crazy neighs or frantic fence banging.  No gate rattling or furious running about.  They did none of the stuff they usually do when dinner is late.  Nope.  Not a sound.  Now, this totally baffles me because when Mother Nature arrives on the premises and whips up a storm, all the horses go crazy with schanannygans to make sure I stay awake all night… even the UPS man gets a snort or two… but when a Scary Boogeyman scales the back steps, not a peep.  Herumph!  For prey animals, they sure didn’t help ol’ Mommy out when she was a sitting duck yesterday.

OK, so here is what happened.  I was in my second floor office doing work.  It is a loft area so I can see out the windows and if I’m sitting at just the right angle, I can see into our bedroom.  On the far side of the bedroom is a windowed door that leads out to the back stairwell.

So, I was sitting at my desk doing work and I caught, out of the periphery of my vision, an arm and hand waving at me from the balcony just outside the door.  The arm was wearing blue coveralls.  Hmmmm.  My brain was so engaged with my work, I actually took that information in and said to myself, “There is an arm with blue coveralls waving at me from the back landing.”  OK, understood, now go back to whatever it is you are doing…  After about a second, I thought, “Hey, wait a minute… what did I just see??!”  In an instant, I was very frightened.  VERY frightened.

Now, I have 3 dogs.  Two of them have the same feeling towards burglars as I do.  And, at that moment, they were both sleeping downstairs inside the house.  This was good and bad.  The good part was they could get up here in about a nano second if the bad guy broke into the house.  The bad thing, well there are 2 bad things, the bad things are that they probably wouldn’t come upstairs because they have never been allowed up here and the other thing is that I could be dead before they actually woke up from their heavily snoring naps.  There was one dog outside, but he kinda likes strangers.  However, because he likes strangers, I think he was off at the neighbors or somewhere else at this time because he missed the whole thing.

Anyway, there I sat contemplating my next move.  I don’t think I was breathing.  “Why would he be waving at me?”  “Boy, that hand was very small; I wonder if some kid jumped the fence and got in?”  “Can I call 911 and say that I just saw a small hand in a blue coverall outside my balcony door?”  I need more information.  I’m sure the 911 officer would want a bit more to go on.  I had to make a move.  I decided to venture into the bedroom and get a better look.  I knew the screen would obscure the burglar’s view and that I would be able to see him more clearly than he could see me.

I got on all fours, phone in hand, and crawled into my bedroom, hugging the wall and hiding behind the end of the bed.  Slowly, I peered around the edge of my hospital corners and looked up at the door.  Flash!  I saw it again!  It was so quick but it was definitely there.  It was real.  I was so frightened I jumped a little!  OMG!  He is out there!  Some tiny handed man is out on my back porch!  Aaaahhhhhh!  Curiosity made me look again.  And there it was.  Fully extended.  Waving.  My heart jumped into my throat and made me gag a little.  I was petrified.  I was frozen.

I called to the dogs and of course, I was right.  They refused to come upstairs.  Both of them yawned, stretched and sauntered over to the bottom of the stairs.  “Yes?”  Could you guys come up here now!  “Uh, is this a trick?”  No, get up here now!  “You said, ‘NO’.”  Get up here!!  “Ummmm….” as they pranced and whined at the steps, “Ummmm, uhhhhhh, nawwww, you don’t want us up there, do you?”  Aw, forget it.  911 will get here faster.  So, I decided to crawl a bit closer.  Besides, the gun I’ve never used and is probably useless and frozen, sat in my nightstand which was right by the doorknob.  I could probably get there in a quick but awkward leap/crawl gesture.  So, I did that.  I clumsily leapt and crawled to my nightstand and gasped as I grabbed my gun!

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!  HONK!!!!  Ahhhhhhhh(gasp, big breath) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  HONK, HAAALLLLLPPP!

Both of us fell backwards and scrambled to recover only to stare into each others eyes.  Mine huge and wide, his beady and green.  It was Bob.  Bob the Peacock.  He was standing on the banister of the landing.  His shiny blue neck snaked around and peered into the glass while he waved his top knot at me, “What the hell are you doing scaring me like that, Woman?  I nearly fell off of my perch in front of my hens here!  I coulda broken a tail feather!  Honk.”

I felt ridiculous.  Here I was, flat against the side of my bed, holding a gun on a peacock.

After Bob scolded me a few more times for being a silly and skittish human, he set back down on the banister and continued his surveillance duties.  I felt very sheepish.  As I got up, gingerly so as not to disturb Bob even more, I walked out of the bedroom and saw the dogs walk back to their beds.  I know they were laughing.  I could see it in the grins and tail wags, even though they were facing the other way.

And the horses?  Well, of course, they heard me come out the front door and they turned to me and said, “How can you be afraid of a peacock?  It’s the blue tarps you gotta worry about!”  Sigh.

PS:  Still trying to not bother Bob (I was that embarrassed), I snuck out the front door in the pouring rain to gingerly get into my car which was just below the banister and Bob.  (I didn’t know peacocks liked to stand in the rain…)  I got into my car but my gentle door close noise upset Bob and he left his perch.  I tried to snap a picture through my wet windshield as he was leaving.   That is why the last peacock photo looks like it is melting.  It is actually rain on the windshield I was shooting through.

 

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