Well, last week, after the Presidential debates, Bodhi and Rojo decided to run for Ranch President.
I was fine with that.
I just told them that they had to organize it themselves and hold their own elections.
I asked who would run things.
They told me that PrincessLlamaLlamaLlama was Bodhi’s Campaign Manager and that Remi had appointed herself as Rojo’s First Mare.
Rojo had no Campaign Manager.
This of course, should have been a bad thing… But they told me that everyone really preferred Rojo to Bodhi anyway so Rojo really didn’t need a manager. He was doing OK on his own…
I had heard that Slick was taking bets down in the lower pasture. But, other than that, I just let the events unfold during this past week.
Last week, Bodhi and his Campaign Manager, PrincessLlamaLlamaLlama were working together very closely… She thought she was getting through to him but has now realized that he was just mesmerized by what she had for lunch…
AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT…
As fate would have it, the weather was really bad this week so I had to move Bodhi from his regular pasture next to PLLL to a sheltered pasture next to the ponies.
This was very bad for his campaign efforts.
Without PLLL to remind Bodhi what he was doing on a daily basis and why, he couldn’t keep anything straight.
Bodhi totally forgot he was running for Ranch President. He spent all of his time yelling fighting words to the less fortunate and easily agitated height-challenged ponies.
Bodhi (grinning with his neck bending the top of the wire fence): “Hey, Shorties… What are you doing? Wishing you were BIG like me?”
Slick (charging the fence): I HATE YOU.
Bodhi: You don’t scare me, little pinto boy…
Slick: That’s IT. You just lost yourself the election. I’m going to tamper with the ballots!
Bodhi: What election? What’s a ballad? Is it like a salad? No one can have any ballad except ME!
Slick: You are an IDIOT.
Bodhi: Yeah, well, you’re SHORT.
And so it went…
PLLL was mortified – listening to this ill-mannered exchange after her weeks of trying to rehabilitate her former roommate, Bodhi… Poor PLLL ended up despondent over her petulant student and she sadly turned to comfort eating.
Poor PLLL, despondent over Bodhi’s regression turned to comfort eating…
TESS
Tess, being the eldest and most knowledgeable simply frowned at the goings-on and stated that elections were useless because, “the cream always rises…”.
Saged and wise Tess says that it doesn’t matter who wins… the cream always rises.
THE SORREL HORSES WITH STARS
Not on purpose, but the horses in the Big Ol’ Pasture are all sorrel with stars: Finn, his sister BG and Wrigley.
The Sorrels with Stars or SWSs are a very easy, even-tempered and convivial group – except when faced with a Llama.
So, when I approached them to ask if they would be voting, they unanimously told me that they could never vote for a horse who had an alien as a Campaign Manager.
Case closed.
And then, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Finn was looking a bit sheepish.
He told me that he didn’t know he was voting for an ‘election’. He had misunderstood. He thought he was voting for ‘affection’ and of course he voted YES!
I told him that I didn’t think YES! was even on the ballot.
He said he had noticed that so he just wrote it in.
I then asked him if he wondered why Rojo and Bodhi’s names were on the ballot.
He said that he thought they had initiated the bill for more AFFECTION. (He hadn’t read the fine print about them running for Ranch President…)
Poor Finn was embarrassed that he misunderstood ‘election’ and instead thought he heard ‘affection’ and voted, YES!
WRIGLEY’S CONFESSION
Wrigley called me over – he is always eager to chat..
He said that he was told he was too young to vote. But, then PLLL came to the fence and told him that if he voted for Bodhi, all the flies would be gone.
Wrigley confessed that he didn’t know how all the flies could possibly be gone by just a single vote – but he thought if it was true, then that one vote would really be important.
So, he voted for Bodhi.
However, he immediately told BG of his illegal action and BG – being the very good girl that she is – fished Wrigley’s ballot out of the grain bucket that PLLL had sent out to gather votes and tossed it into the skunk hole where she knew the Llama would not go looking for it.
Wrigley fell for PLLL’s campaign promise of No More Flies.
I asked BG who she thought should be Ranch President and she told me that clearly we already had a Ranch President but that she couldn’t say it too loudly because Finn would be upset if he knew that she knew that Rojo actually ran the place instead of Finn.
She then secretly leaned in and told me that she had aspirations to one day be Head Mare… and she asked if her previous record of ‘biting to punctuate her opinions’ would ruin her chances.
I told her that “No, in fact it might help your chances…”!
BG was upset that her previous record of “biting to emphasize a point” might eliminate her from future elections… I told her that, no – in fact, her past record could help her!
THE MARES
The mares had decorated their pasture and set up several signs urging all the legal voters to vote for Rojo.
They used the term ‘legal’ because Norma (the donkey) has no papers…
Unfortunately, in creating their signs, the mares had used a new technique they had seen on QVC where a very clever (they thought) artist formed shapes using sand. This was all good except it subsequently rained and their signs turned into muddy messes.
I noticed Norma sniggering at this…
Rojo was only slightly embarrassed since he knew the mares meant well… Besides, Rojo wasn’t sure he needed any more votes than those of his mares since his mares were most important to him. Rojo already felt very presidential and knew that the outcome of any election would not change how he went about his honorable daily life – protecting his ladies.
At that point, Rojo informed me that it was time for his nap so he politely excused himself from our interview. Remi, his newly appointed First Mare, stood watch and gently asked me to, “Stand and swat quietly.”
Remi, the newly appointed First Mare, lords over a napping Rojo. “If you must stay, Stand quietly and swat.”
SAM
Sam is one of the mares in Rojo’s group. I noticed her standing away from him, beckoning towards me from the fenceline.
I went over.
She told me that she has always been a non-conformist. She refused to be haltered, trimmed or brushed. So, it didn’t make sense to her to vote.
To her, all that ‘voting business’ was too domesticated.
Clearly, she indicated, a leader is a leader is a leader. No votes were needed.
She asked that I make sure and print her viewpoint since there were very few of her kind left…
I told her I would.
The non-conformist tells me why she wouldn’t be voting…
GWEN
Gwen really didn’t understand why only males were running… After all, her mother, Tess, has been running the ranch for as long as anyone can remember. Everyone goes to her when there is an issue or an alarm. Tess is the rock.
All this voting stuff was silly.
Mares rule. Stallions drool.
I asked Gwen if she would take over after her Mom passes. She told me that she has been told that she is too fiery to be a leader – and frankly, she agreed.
She knows she’s hot.
Gwen knows she was bred too hot to be a candidate. She’d rather focus on generating excitement.
DODGER
Dodger was my last interview.
Being the oldest gelding on the place, he stood back quietly and watched all the recent activity.
He told me that this election was a good exercise because they all had to think outside their boxes. For him, that meant trying to figure out a way to escape the paddock he shares with Slick so he could beat up Bodhi and then run quickly over to get a kick into Finn as well.
Some things never change…
Dodger discusses how to jimmy the hinges with Norma… Some things never change.
HORSE AND MAN is a blog in growth… if you like this, please pass it around!
Copyright
This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Just loved this post! Brings a bright spot to the ugly goings on in todays world.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! This was just delightful! I much prefer horsey affections, er ,elections to human!
Thought he was voting for Affection not an Election………….LMAO!!!! Love this stuff puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh just when I seem to need it the most. Thanks for all the great stuff you share with us your the best!!!