FULL METAL JOUSTING… Have you seen this show?

Have you seen this show?

OMG.

Hubby and I sat down to watch it… and he was GRIPPED from the first scene.

Now, what guy is gripped when he watches a show about horses?… Yup, well, this show isn’t really about the horses. It is about men who try to smack each other off of BIG horses by using even bigger sticks while wearing a thousand pounds of armor with cool logos.

They look like MONSTER ENERGY DRINK CANS sitting on top of horses.

OK, so it isn’t really my kind of show… BUT…

The horses are gorgeous. The barn is gorgeous. The grounds are incredible. The arena is bigger than most airports and I swear the horses look really, really happy!

And why wouldn’t they be happy? All they have to do is run in a straight line and stop at the end. Turn around. Do it again. Half the time their rider falls off. Oh and there is another horse running right at them at full speed probably talking smack over the fence.

It is a Stud Party where Testosterone meets Mantasy!

Hubby brought his dinner to the couch and settled in…

THE HORSES

OK, so while Hubby was drooling with the remote, I decided that I had to find out more about these horses.

(Unfortunately I couldn’t find anything on the internet so I’m going to email the producers of the show and ask about the horses. I don’t know if they will write back, but I’ll try.)

The program hardly mentions the horses. But I think they will concentrate more on the horses in the future as they hone this show. After all, it is the first season…

Anyway, these ‘war horses’ (that is what they call them) are big, beautiful draft horses. They live on this gawjus farm in Mississippi. I’m guessing this farm is a jousting camp or something because it is set up for jousting. Big everything. Big barn, Big grooming area, Big tack, HONKIN’ arena. OMG. They have all the toys!

Clearly, the horses are very trained to all of this jousting (way more than the humans…) so I guess this facility is probably a jousting training center. After all, where do all of those Medieval Times shows train their jousters? It has to happen somewhere…

Of course, this is all supposition… but I am determined to find out.

*I do have to add here that the head trainer of the show seemed very, very keen on his horses. The horses may not be mentioned much, but the trainer loves them and chooses their riders carefully. I liked that. I liked him.

This is my fav horse so far. His name is Superman and he scares most of the contestants because he is 2400lbs of hot horse! But, he is one of the best rides, if you can ride him!

Don't let the drafties fool you - they can run!

So proud! Loved this artsy shot...

HUBBY TITTERS

Hubby was on the edge of his seat the entire show. Each time there was a battle, he held his breath. He was like a little boy watching, uh… a jousting movie!

Hubby loved seeing these guys take hits. BIG hits. ‘Call an ambulance’ kind of hits…

Really?

Yup.

Each time one of them would get ‘unhorsed’, Hubby would grab his mouth and gigglegulp, “Ohhhh that hurt. heh heh hee hahhhhahha!”

I could not believe it.

Me: “These guys are all going to dislocate their entire spines and this is riveting you.”

Hubby: “uh huh”

Me (watching a guy get pummeled to the ground): “Why would you ever get back on and take another blow like that?”

Hubby (looking indignant): “You have to.”

Me: “Silly boys… You C-r-a-z-y. If I ever got hit like that with a stick and fell off of my horse – you’d see my butt back at the spa in a nanosecond.”

Hubby: “Oh no, this is GREAT!”

Sigh.

Yeeowch.

Up close...

Direct Dual Hits. Both jousters are 'unhorsed'. Uh huh. 'Unhorsed' is putting it lightly...

THE CONCEPT

The concept is based on Knights and stuff.

There is a wall between the two knights who are in full armor, on an armored horse, wielding an unwieldy loooooong stick and they are supposed to lower the bar at precisely the exact time that the armored shoulder plate of his opponent races by.

If both men hit at the same time, they look like puppets being pulled off of the horses by trip wires. They fly off of the horses at a rate of speed that would leave their teeth behind.

Oy.

Anyway, there is a series of points given for different kinds of hits. The one with the most points after 8 jousts (who is still alive) at the end, wins.

During the episode that we watched, one guy was carried off with a concussion. I’m surprised they all didn’t have collapsed lungs and dislocated shoulders.

Hubby was thrilled!

This is a view of the wall during a training session

Training on how to get up from a hit... yeah, right... heh heh, just wait til it really happens...

THE CONTESTANTS

The idea is that these 16 men, from all walks of horse life (rodeo, eventers, jousters, trainers… here is the bio page), train for a week in the ancient art of jousting.

Then, after the week, they have a pyramid type challenge where the winners face each other until there is only one left standing. He gets $100K

$100K. $100K!!

I guess they couldn’t get anyone to do it for $50K. I mean, what kind of show starts at $100K?!

Anyway, these bulls all get to huffing and blowing as they spend the week together. All of them size each other up and down. Oy.

Then, they start the real jousting…

Too bad boys can’t cry on TV, because if they could, these guys would be bawling. They get hit so hard and fall even harder.

I guess when you have a camera in your face, you can’t cry for Mama, but I think they all want to. I swear, they were spitting dust and teeth and lungs…

Imagine getting hit by a huge pole, right smack dab into the sweet spot of your shoulder while the pole travels at 30 mph on top of a thundering horse!

Or better yet, getting thwacked in the chin when it misses going 30mph!!

No thanks. I’ll just sit this one out…

Hubby wants to go to one of these camps.

He actually asked me if I could find out why there was no audience watching them joust. He said he would pay to go see that show.

Hubby asked if he could have a week at that camp for Christmas.

I reminded him that he broke his neck recently… He scoffed. He said he now has armor in his neck so that would make him perfect to be a contestant.

I tried not to roll my eyes.

I liked this shot.

This one, too.

STANDING UP FOR THE HORSE.

So, I have to report that on one episode, the rider had a tantrum when his horse stepped on his foot – so he punched his horse in the face.

In the face. Directly.

As_wipe.

Anyway, the trainer got so upset with this punk, that he had the guy thrown off the show… See, toldja the horse trainer loved his horses.!

Here is an excerpt from that show:

I took this from the HISTORY CHANNEL website

IN CONCLUSION

I think you might want to watch it just to see the horses and the grounds. (Here is a link to the website for THE HISTORY CHANNEL)

Also, the horses are treated well and they don’t have to do much. The horses seem really happy. They just run up and down. Sometimes they get to step on a fallen rider, but mostly, they just do their job.

So, this is a new kind of horse event. Really, it is fairly easy for the horse and creates a new avenue for some of those jobless draft horses out there.

But, if nothing else, this is a horse show that your male friend/boyfriend/husband/brother… might actually watch with you.

And, in this one, the horse ALWAYS wins. Love that!