To Heck in a Handbasket… My woes upon returning.

Sunday, July 3rd, 2011 | Filed under Musings

I had no idea that I was the glue.

I mean, half the time I look around and wonder when I’m ever going to have enough time to finish or fix the dozens of “honey-do” items around the place.  My feedroom could use a few once-overs and my 3-year old is going to grow up to be a mannerless cur.

Or at least that is what I thought until I was gone for a couple of weeks.  Little did I know all the crapola that could/would happen in my absence.  Yeesh.  It seems that the little I do is far more effective than the alternatives!


First off, let me set the scene…

Hubby offered to feed while I was gone.  On the days the girls were with us, they would feed.  And, when no one was available, our horse-feeder would feed.

Hmmm.  That seemed like a pretty good plan on the surface.  But, let me expand here.


Hubby has it in his mind that the horses are my duty and my duty only.  He has his responsibilities and I have mine.  Never the twain shall meet.  So, when I ask him to feed, he knows he has to – but he doesn’t like it.  The upshot is that the horses will be fed.  The downside is that the only way feeding is acceptable to Hubby is to break his own time record while doing it.

He races himself.  How fast can he feed and water all 12?…  Once he sets out the door, the buzzer sounds and he’s off!  Lickety Split!

Well, you can imagine the bruhaha in the wake of his relay.  One of the horses could be missing a leg or have grown another head and he wouldn’t slow down long enough to notice.

I call Hubby the SpeedyGonzalez Feeder.

Me n Speedy on our wedding day...


I call the girls the ‘exactly and precisely’ feeders because they do exactly what I tell them (ie: feed and water the horses) and nothing more.

For example, if there was a fallen branch in the way of the wheelbarrow, a bird nesting in a mane, or a toad infestation in a waterer, nothing would be done.  “You didn’t say that I should move the log that was blocking my path so I stepped over it 57 times while I was feeding and watering like you told me.”


And, we have to add in there the “I’m just a kid so you cannot expect me to do the job like an adult” factor.  When the girls feed, I can track their exact movements by the hay trail left behind.  Usually at least one door/gate is left unlatched and for sure the barn lights will be burning.

But, they do “feed and water” all the horses so even though the barn could burn down at any moment, at least I can rest assured that the horses will be fed and watered.

The girls who exactly and precisely feed... No more, no less.


Then there is my horse feeder.  She is so cute and sweet that I cannot believe they haven’t created a sitcom around her.  This girl is lovely and she loves animals.

What cracks me up about her is that she is incredible when there is a problem but she’s a bit forgetful on the easy stuff.

I mean, no matter what, she will handle it.  But, the simple job of feeding and watering sometimes goes awry.

The odd part is that stuff always happens during her watch.  It is as if the horses wait until they see her and then wreck something.  I swear, bad stuff never happens to anyone else but HER.

Once, a water spigot had broken and was spurting water everywhere.  We were out of town so she shut off the main, went to the plumbing store, bought all the necessary supplies, came back, fixed everything and then told me about it after the crisis was totally over.  Love that.

Another time, I got an email telling me how she had to extract Gwen from the fenceline.  Either her hair or her foot got caught… I was never sure.  But anyway, suffice it to say if this had happened while Speedy or Precisely had been feeding, Gwen would still be there…

But, as observant of disaster as the ‘Perils of Pauline’ has become, invariably, when she has fed, I will discover that something didn’t happen in the feeding/watering department.  Once I noticed that a hose had been kicked out so the waterer was bone dry even though the ground has been watered quite well.  One time she left the gate open and Dex trotted off (she was mortified – she found him).   Or for example this time… one pasture of horses had lost some weight.  I don’t think she forgot to feed them but I do think that maybe they got the smaller flakes.  Dunno.

Anyway, I think she gets caught up in her hyper-vigilance and maybe forgets the basics.

But, the good outweighs the bad on Pauline so I keep calling her when I need help.

Great movie poster! Says it all...


OK, so this time, I was gone for 2 weeks and all of them fed at one time or another.

You can imagine the state of the barn right now… Lights blazing, tack room door open, mice running amok, hay bales askew, barn cats mewing, hay trails running every which way, twine strung about, fly masks in every phase of removal, trout swimming in the troughs, broken fenceboards, thigh high thistle, the mare pasture has endured several coups, Wrigley got taller, some horses are fat, some lean and all of my wayward equines are now clamoring for individual attention.

“Where have you been?!  We need everything.  NOW!”


But I love it.  Secretly.  You know I do…  Now I get to put it all back together again – and bring peace to the barndom.  <smile>

We want our Human baaaaaaack!! Waaaahhhhhh!


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HORSE AND MAN is a blog in growth... if you like this, please pass it around!

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