What I’ve learned from my horses since MT left. And, Thank you ALL. :)

Tuesday, December 1st, 2015 | Filed under Mama Tess

Thank you thank you thank you.

So many of you reached out to me during this very sad time.

Wow.  I had to stand back (quit feeling sorry for myself) and recognize you all.

You really REALLY helped me.

I can tell you first hand, those little heartfelt notes, emails and comments… were ALL so very helpful.

You truly UPLIFTED ME with your kind words and support.  I never, ever expected so much love to come our way.  Even though so many of you were very sad, too, you still took the time out of your busy days to reach out.

I don’t think you will ever know how much that meant to me.

I will remember your kindness and repay it the next time I am able.  You taught me how much a gesture can change a life.


I wanted to speak about this in my recent sad post when I told you about Tess’ passing, but it didn’t seem like the time.

Now seems better.  Maybe this information will give some of you the same peace it brought to me.

I hope that I can articulate this the way I felt it…

When I went to feed the evening that Tess left us all, the most surprising thing happened.  It was as if I had on Kodachrome glasses or something.  Every horse had a brighter hue to them and all of their edges were crisp and glowing.

I was quite surprised by this but wrote it off to the extra moisture in my eyes from crying.  I figured the tears had made things more clear and vivid.

But… as I fed the first horse, Remi, a thought came into my head clear as day.  She looked straight into my eyes and I swear she said, “More time for me now.”

Plain as day.

I kinda shook my head and moved on to Rojo who was the next horse up.  I looked at him and the same thing happened.  His coat was very shiny and his eyes very sharp.  He looked straight into my eyes and I heard, “I would like to try to be closer again.  I’m not saying I’ll let you ride me, but I’d like to eat together with you again.  Maybe walk around and be friends.”

And on and on it went. Every single horse was glowing and electric to me.  My perceptions of them were heightened.  They all looked right into my eyes and gave me a message.

Finn wants to get out and ride more.  BG wants to do stuff together like the clinic we went to recently.  Annie wants me to hang with her and teach her what all the other horses know.  Dodger wants more attention and grooming.  Slick wants to get out more.  Norma wants to feel more special.  Gwen wants to take MT’s place in the barn and wants to have all of MT’s freedoms.  Sam wants to try again to feel human touch – and see if she might like it.

It hasn’t happened like that since the evening Tess left.  In those moments, my senses were very alert and my vision was quite vivid.  It all felt mystical – almost magical – like a dream state of a Dr. Doolittle movie.

For me, I’m taking those messages to heart.  I think that I was so open and tied to MT, that all the angels still in the barn were able to open a channel of communication for a brief time – to comfort me – and to let me know that all the other equines were still here and wanting to be with me, too.

Or, I was so devastated that I made it all up…

But, it seemed very real and lasted for a long time.

And it felt great.  Thank you, MT and your Angel friends…  That was a lovely parting gift.

One of my favorite photos of us... Tess had just given birth to Ava. I was at the barn, in my sweats... loving on her.

One of my favorite photos of us… Tess had just given birth to Ava. I was at the barn, in my sweats… loving on her.



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8 comments have been posted...

  1. Tami

    I have been a follower of yours since the beginning.
    I want to send my thoughts and prayers to you during this hard time .. Thank you for sharing Mama Tess’s journey with us.
    Tami shah
    New York

  2. Linda Murphy

    I have been on vacation and just learned of MT passing. Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I know how hard it is to lose our beloved companions. She will be welcomed by several beloved equines from our barn. I know they are all pain free – running, jumping and grazing in the pastures of heaven.

  3. Helen

    Call it what you will Dawn. I think you saw what you saw and felt what you felt. Your horses all expressed their feelings, and you were able to read them. I also think MT’s angel guides, sent you Annie, knowing that your nurturing heart would need an outlet when MT’s time came to go. I wondered about that when you first posted about Annie’s arrival. You certainly left no stone unturned in your efforts to help Mama Tess and I hope the medical community has learned much from your experiences. Still it is so hard to say goodbye and my heart goes out to you.

  4. Horse Lady

    I am soooo glad you are doing better! When I read your story I just lost it. I cried and cried. My heart just broke for you . Thank you for sharing something so personal and painful. I cannot imagine trying to write it! You have a big heart. -Horse Lady (Cindy)

  5. Ina

    My heart goes out to you. You and MT fought a valiant battle, which I also have experienced. Nobody could have done more or given more.

  6. Laurie

    Dawn….your welcome!
    I am so so sure that your herd wants time with you!
    Dawn you give me so much knowledge in all of your posts
    And you make me feel like we have been friends for a lifetime.
    I thank you!

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