WHEN BUCKET ENVY BECOMES BUCKET FRENZY: How do you feed just one?!


Tuesday, May 6th, 2014 | Filed under Humor




There are 11 horses here.

All of them are psychic.

Or, at least that is what I used to think…

…Now I’ve also learned that they’ve come up with a keenly developed com system better than any military unit out there.

If one horse knows something, they all know.

And so I have the Bucket Dilemma…

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THE BUCKET DILEMMA

I’m sure all of you out there – even those of you with only one horse – know the Bucket Dilemma.

If you accidentally clink a bucket, every ear in the County will prick towards your one bucket.

I know, I know… as soon as you make the dreaded sound, you recoil and try to hide the awkward plastic tub of equine ecstasy.

“Nope, wasn’t me.  I don’t have a bucket.. nope, not me…”

You try desperately to hide it behind you.

But they know.

It’s too late…

You’ve already created the mini quake that will soon roll into the herd tsunami.

Herd:  “SHE’S GOT A BUCCCKKKEEETTTTTTT!”

Sigh.

Gwen acts like a crazy horse willing to hurt herself if she isn't given a bucket - NOW

Gwen acts like a crazy horse willing to hurt herself if she isn’t given a bucket – NOW

AND SO IT WAS TODAY…

And so it was today…

When I fed this morning, I thought that Sam looked like she could use a bit extra.  I felt she needed a little Supplemental boost.

I thought to myself, “I’ll make for her a really nice bucket.  She eats alone so it will be fine.”

Oy.

I’m such a silly Human.

Sure, she eats alone… but unless I erected a sound proof booth and used a cloaking device to carry the bucket to the booth, my plan was foolhardy from the onset.

What was I thinking?

Screen Shot 2014-05-06 at 5.51.07 PM

The ponies use their adorableness to sway me…

I PREPARED SAM’S BUCKET

I prepared Sam’s really wonderful bucket (as Hubby says, “You don’t like to cook but you love to feed…” – and he’s right), and it was really wonderful, I was singing a little.

This will be so great for Sam!

Now, I do have an issue during every feeding every day, twice a day… Mama Tess.

MT lives in the barn right now so I cannot really sneak anything by her.  But, since she gets all kinds of special (non-starch, non sugar but really yummy) foods to keep her on the Theraplate, she lets me create for others – as long as her bowl is full and she is fed first.

So, I quickly gave MT her fabulous food and then continued with Sam’s masterpiece.

MT (talking with her mouth full):  So, you’re going to give another horse something from my kitchen?

Me:  Yes.

MT:  Who?

Me:  Sam.

MT:  Why?  I own the feed room I don’t want her eating my food.

Me:  Just a little bit (I showed her a tiny bit in the bottom of a huge bucket)… and it isn’t as good as yours, I promise.

As I finished, I backed out of the feed room and did a little dosey-doe two step in order to hide the overflowing magnificent Bucket meal I had just prepared for Sam.

Me (twirling past MT):  Nothing to see here…. Nope.

I walked out to Sam and presented her with the Bucket.

Sam:  Wow!  What did I do to deserve this?!  Oh, thank you thank you!  You are the best Human that lives on this ranch that is feeding me right now.

Me:  That’s really not saying much…

Sam:  I know.  But it is a lot coming from me… I don’t really like Humans…

Norma would like a bucket, if everyone else is having one...

Norma would like a bucket, if everyone else is having one…

THE OTHERS.

All of the other horses had been fed first and they were wildly munching their hay.

But, somehow, even though they couldn’t see Sam, a stirring started.

The Shetlands were first, of course…

Slick:  Hey…Heyheyheyheyhey.  What’s she got?

Dodger (the Shetland stabled with him – elder statesman):  Oh never mind… we have enough here.

Slick:  No!  The indignation of it all!  It is because we are short.  I know it.  We are short so she doesn’t feed us.  And her not feeding up is EXACTLY WHY WE ARE SHORT!  I DEMAND A BUCKET, TOO!

At this point Slick started raking his feet and teeth on their metal gate.

I know I’m sunk.

I have to walk past them to get to the house.

Have you ever seen a Shetland pony on a rampage?  It is as funny as it is full of dedicated and utter commitment by the pon.  He is so serious when he throws a tantrum, I have to respect him in earnest.

But, it is funny…

Anyway, Slick started the revolt.

Remi will do whatever is most loud to get my attention.  Banging on any available metal object is her favorite.

Remi will do whatever is most loud to get my attention. Banging on any available metal object is her favorite.

IN A FLASH ~ THE BUCKET HEARD AROUND THE WORLD

In a flash, there was a cacophony of equine malcontent.

GWEN:  ME! Me me ME!  I deserve a bucket.  I’m STARVING!!

Norma:  I could eat…

Dodger:  Now, now, don’t make waves… but it would be nice to have some beet pulp… I can just taste it now… so cool and juicy and…

Finn:  DODGER, STOP IT.  YOU ARE MAKING ME CRAZY!  Here.  I’m going to nicker at her and she’ll get me a bucket.

Wrigley (mouth full):  What’s a slucket?  I want one!

Beautiful Girl:  A Bucket.  Not a slucket…

Wrigley:  What’s a mucket?  I want one!

Beautiful Girl:  Not a mucket.  A Bucket.

Wrigley:  What’s a flucket?  I want one!

Finn (totally irritated):  OH MY FLICKA, BOY… are your ears packed?  She said BUCKET. b-u-c-k-e-t.  BUCKET.  Sheesh.

Wrigley:  What’s a ducket?  I want one!

Rojo (moseying around the barn):  What is going on?

Finn (now adding fence running to his incessant nickering):  The Human has got a Bucket!

Rojo:  What is this thing, Bucket?  Out in the wild, we Mustangs didn’t have any Buckets… we had to scrounge for food…

Finn:  Yea, Yea we’ve heard the Mustang story already, Spock.  Come to this planet whydoncha?

Wrigley (mimicking anything Finn does):  Yeah, that story, yea about a billion times!

Rojo:  Don’t sass me or I’ll come up there and ….

Finn (under his breath):   Who doesn’t know the sound of a Bucket?  Mustang smushtang.

Gwen (frenetically racing in circles):  I know how to get a Bucket… act really crazy and like you’re going to jump the fence and hurt yourself.  That always works!

Remi (whomping on her gate):  No No, bang the gate.  I like to bang the gate.  It is really a strong sound and I feel it identifies my desires in a succinct and accurate way.

Norma:  I’d like to eat a Bucket…

Slick (still raking his teeth on the gate):  ME, TOO!

Finn (running the fence):  NOW HUMAN, NOW!

Wrigley (rearing and bucking behind Finn):  HEY THIS IS FUN – LET’S DO THIS EVERYDAY!

Beautiful Girl (staring balefully):  I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, HUMAN, WHY DO YOU FORSAKE ME?

MAMA TESS (picking her head out of her bowl and screaming over the din of the Theraplate): WHAT’S GOING ON??!!  I DIDN’T APPROVE OF ANY BUCKET!!

Gwen (acting like a lunatic):  SAM HAS A BUCKET!  Eeeeeeeeeeeee!  Buckity reary buck buck head toss head snake rear.  EeeeeEEEEEEEEE!

Rojo (running across the pasture bucking):  I AM A MUSTANG.  I GET FED FIRST.  ME FIRST ME FIRST ME FIRST OR ELSE!!!

MT:  HEY MUSTANGBOY, YOU ARE FIRST AFTER ME!

Finn will do anything funny or outrageous to get my attention - it usually works.

Finn will do anything funny or outrageous to get my attention – it usually works.

Beautiful Girl will ask politely with her eyes.

Beautiful Girl will ask politely with her eyes.

Wrigley:  What's a wucket?  Wrig will do whatever Finn does to get his wucket.

Wrigley: What’s a wucket? Wrig will do whatever Finn does to get his wucket.

AND SO IT went…

Gwen acted like a lunatic ready to hurt herself.  Norma wished she had what the others had.  The ponies felt indignant and riled themselves into pony hysteria.  Rojo acted like a Bronc, Remi banged the gate into a warp, Finn ras the fenceline with Wrigley bucking and rearing behind, and poor BG was looking at me so balefully and…

…I caved.

Tonight, they all got Buckets.

And, you know, it wasn’t that bad.  In fact, I loved doing it.

I do love to feed.

The Queen, MT and Rojo... "After me,  you're first Mustangboy..."  Remi is in the background - watching as always.

The Queen MT on her patio with Rojo behind the fence… “After me, you’re first Mustangboy…” Remi is in the background watching  – as always.


Sweet Aria being led by a pony - not really but it looks that way...!  THAT LEG IS FIXABLE!  Click image to learn more!

MAY Bucket Fund Sweet Aria being led by a pony – not really but it looks that way…! THAT LEG IS FIXABLE! Click image to learn more!


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5 comments have been posted...

  1. Elaine

    I don’t know why I never put two and two together. I did not know this is where Norma Jean, Slick, Dodger and Mama Tess live!! I read Norma Jean religiously and usually leave comments. I bought a NJ bangle to help out MT.

    Your post today hit the spot. Horses and their feed!!! I love both blogs, they are funny and entertaining. Keep up the good work.

  2. Cindy

    That was cute. It is pretty much that way with my herd too. And everyone gets a bucket at every meal. It may not have much in it, but there is always a little something to make each one feel good about themselves. The hardest part for me is when I leave for work at 2:30pm, I scoop every one’s food before I leave so my guys don’t have to worry about how much to give. Of course EVERYONE can hear that scooping noise and they all whinny, pace, nicker, bang, chew, and paw to get my attention!

    I have to run to my truck to leave just so I can’t see their sad faces!

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