Donkey Hate. I’m on the receiving end…


Friday, November 26th, 2010 | Filed under Humor




Ugh.  My donkey hates me.

Well, it probably isn’t me she hates, it is the behavior she feels I am exhibiting right now that she dislikes strongly (can you tell that I’ve been through counseling?).  To her, I’m acting like a cruel warden and she is not liking it.  AT ALL.

Why?

As I have mentioned earlier this week, Norma, my sweet, docile, nubile-lipped and curly haired donkey is sick with laminitis.  (Here is that link.)

So, she is now residing in a luxury stall, heavily bedded, inside the barn.

Norma no likey.  She thinks the Inn stinks and she is letting me know.  She is showing me a side of her that I knew existed — how else would she manage thse Hooligan Shetlands in her paddock? — but I had never seen this attitude directed at ME.  Sigh.  Alas today, she’s showing me her best Donkey Hate.

And let me tell you, she’s good at it…

Norma and the culprit... rich, green grass.

DONKEY HATE

Donkey Hate, as Norma subscribes to it, is the opposite of Donkey Love.  Donkey Love is her normal state.  She usually moves close to me, nudging me lovingly with her enormous head… she always asks me to rub her long and gorgeous ears and then she turns her tiny rump to me for scratches. Sometimes she’ll check my pockets for treats but usually she is very respectful and soft.

Norma in her stall... can you see her? (My lens has rain on it...)

Donkey Hate is the total opposite.

Donkey Hate, I have now come to find, is Norma not looking at me, purposefully bending her neck away from me, deliberately hugging the opposite wall to where I might be standing, ignoring me, turning her butt to intimidate me and, lastly, refusing to let me touch any hair on her body.  A fly couldn’t land as lightly as I’ve tried with Norma and she still does the Limbo when my hand hovers near.  I am the enemy.  I am the reason she is living in Stall Hell.  Therefore, I need to be punished, donkeystyle.

There she is! Just the tops of her ears are visible. Poor girl.

NORMA’S POINT OF VIEW

OK OK, I can see her point of view.  Since I brought her home at the sprite age of 2, she has lived happily outside for 15 years.  And, being a fine specimen of donkey fortitude, in 15 years she has never been ill (aside from her first bout with laminitis when she was being watched by others).  So, Norma has never been in a stall and has never been confined.  She has always had it really easy because I never ask anything of her and she never misbehaves.  When you compare her to her pasturemates (the Shetlands…), she’s an angel.

To her, this horrible treatment is not OK and is very unbecoming to an owner.  Besides, her feet hurt so that makes her a bit cranky anyway…

I will not look at you and don't come near me.

MY TORTURE METHODS

According to Norma, my torture of her started the first hour I had her in the stall.  I was struggling to wrap her feet and she had had enough.  She told me to stop and I didn’t.  First Ding on the Donkeyometer.

Then, I closed the stall door behind me.  The Nerve!  Second ding.

Do NOT touch me... and I turn my rear on you! Bad Human.

I didn’t listen to her brays of, “Hey, you forgot to let me outta here!”  Third donkeyding.

Banamine.  Yikes.  I completely insulted her by putting a syringe of medicine in her mouth.  I mean, at least at worming time, EVERYONE has to endure this.  But today, just her.  And, it was really nasty against her delicate palate.  Donkeyding four.

I turned off the radio and left the barn.  Uh oh.  Double donkeyding.

I want to be OUT THERE. Get it? Out... OUT!

I came back the next morning and gave her the same hay she didn’t eat from the night before.  Ewwwww.  Now it was WAR.

Then, to top it off, I proceeded to try to medicate her A-GAIN.  I begged her to eat mashes laced with stuff she didn’t want to know about.  I rewrapped her feet and continued to irritate her beyond the donkey codes of engagement.  I was out of line.  That was it.  The Donkey Breaking Point had been catapulted beyond burro decency.  I needed to be punished.  Big Time.

Me, on my knees below her, begging with submission for a nuzzle... Nope.

THE PUNISHMENT

I was not allowed to make eye contact.  I was not allowed to enter her stall.  If I did, she would not get anywhere near me.  I was to only see her rump and I was not, NOT allowed to touch her in any way, shape or form.  Those were the rules.

However, in my opinion, her best move was what I am calling the MORE STUBBORN THAN YOU COULD EVER BE donkey punishment of not swallowing – at ANY cost.

I put the Banamine way back into her throat (after a struggle, believe me) and she would not swallow.  I massaged her neck (as she strained against my touch), I pushed on her glottis, I tried to distract her, I sang to her, I walked her (with my hand making sure she didn’t open her mouth), I cajoled her… I did everything I could think of.  After a half hour, I moved my hand away from her mouth and she spat out a huge wad of donkey saliva and Banamine.

TAKE THAT!

Oooouuh.  She was GOOD.

MY RETALIATION

I have no kids so perhaps I don’t really know my way around the Pouting arena.  My retaliation tactics now seem juvenile as I recount them for you…

First, I made a very yummy mash and put her favorite grass pellets in there.  I offered it to her and she sniffed at it and then turned away.  Figures.  So, then I scooped some up in my hand and offered it to her.  She gave a cursory, barely there lip reach and then stuck out her tongue and walked away.  YUK!  I TAKE NOTHING FROM YOU, TRAITOR!

So, I made a huge deal out of scooping the lovely mush into four other bowls and offering it to the horses who were just outside her stall, begging for some of what Norma had.

The other horses eating Norma's mash, just outside her stall...

Me:  Oooooh, lookey you lucky horses!  Norma doesn’t want this yummy, yummy mash… do you?  Do you want Norma’s yummy mash?  Ohhhh, lookey, Mamma is putting pears on it just for you good horses.

Norma:  Whatev-ah.

(As all the other horses are slurping, loudly, Norma’s exmash, I entered her stall with another potion.)

Soaking wet Gwen sticks her head in and I seize the opportunity! Note Norma's tush facing me.

Me:  How about this?  Mmmmmmmmm.  All the other horses are eating a lovely dish from Mom.  How about you?  Eh, Norma?!

The black blob in the front is my sleeve/hand which is feeding the brown blob which is Gwen's mouth. Norma is disgusted.

Norma:  Horses are stoopid.  Uh… No.

Me:  Awww, C’mon.  Please…!!  (pleading)

Norma:  Talk to the hoof.

(At this point, I’m quite frustrated.  Luckily, Gwen, one of my Morgan mares (who is always willing to eat…) stood on her tippy-toes and stuck her head through the stall window.  Norma hates Gwen.  This was quite an intrusion to her and very upsetting.  I seized the opportunity.)

Me:  Ahhh, Gwen, would you like some of Norma’s delicious gruel?

GWEN:  YEEEESSS!  YESSY YESSITY YES!

Me:  OK, here you go, good girl.  (I awkwardly took some mash and put it into Gwen’s upturned, weird perched mouth as she opens it blindly because she couldn’t see in at this angle.)  MMMMM.  Good, huh Gwen?!  Yummmy.

GWEN:  MMMMMMM, YES, KEEP IT COMING!  as she bangs her hooves on the barn wall in excitement!

Gwen is happily chewing. Norma turns her butt to me and is listening to me praise Gwen. I've hit a new low.

Norma:  You both deserve each other… Humph.  (walking away and putting her head in a corner).

(pause)

Yup.  That’s my skill set right there…

NOW WHAT?

Well, she needs to eat her medicine and she needs to feel better… and I need for her to know that somewhere, down deep in her donkey brain, I’m trying to help her.  But, just in case she is really, indeed, angry with me, I’ve stooped.

(Kinda like when we make deals with God when we think we are in trouble…)

I knew I needed to get the Banamine in her so I did the unthinkable.  I cut open a pear (no sugary fruit when an equine is suffering laminitis), created a pear meat flap, put the Banamine under the pear flap and fed it to Norma.

She liked it.  Gobbled it up.  She even looked at me for an instant, but I saw it!  I did a little dance.

I figured Norma and I both gave a little (although she clearly won).  I’m sure she tasted the Banamine but she finally got her desires of wanting better treatment from me, and I got the meds into her.

Norma – 250 pts

Mom – 1.  But, it was a good one.

Post Pear attitude change... "Hey, got any more of that? I'll let you pet me..."

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7 comments have been posted...

  1. Sarah Collins

    This post made my day, its my first day back at the lawfirm since thanksgiving break and im catching up on all my emails and this blog email MADE MY DAY.. all my corporate work friends didnt understand why i would think a blog about a donkey would make m laugh so hard, but miss norma made my day!! good Luck!!!

  2. Anne

    http://www.earthsongranch.com/home.asp re: Digestive Enzyme

    re: Norma…age related digestive enzyme deficiency (possibly)

    dear reader i contacted EarthSongRanch and I was told the best Digestive Enzyme for Donkeys is “EquiZyme
    which is on sale coincidentally; begin with 1/2 tablespoon daily…

    contains: PreBiotics; ProBiotics and special Yeast Cultures; fyi…A.

    ps Skoals Treats are actually “mostly herbal treats “Excellent treats; I had no idea Skoals were so nutritious; they are not treats but herbal supplements; earthsongranch sells Skoales treat

  3. michelle

    How funny. I know it’s a cliche but Donkeys ARE too smart for their own good.

  4. Anne

    http://kb.rspca.org.au/What-should-I-feed-my-donkey_298.html

    Elderly donkeys

    Please note that elderly donkeys may require special dietary attention. Dental disease and/or other health problems may mean that older donkeys have trouble chewing long strands of straw/hay and therefore they may require supplementary feeding to provide an alternative fibre souce. Products should be high in fibre and suitable for laminitics. Short-chop products (high in fibre and already chopped up) may assist in these cases.
    my comment: “and digestive enzymes; already added to feed;imo

  5. Anne

    hello; Dawn you write some great blogs; the way you wrote Norma “no likey her medicine; that is funny; anyhoo my comment

    I did some research on the internet on Donkeys; Mules; JackAsses

    and i found out: Curly donkeys are a unique subspecies and in France Curly haired donkey are at the top of the class; in france people cherish their curly haired donkeys and hold competitions

    my true feeling about your Donkey Norma is this; just my 2c

    since the Donkey is getting older; the Donkeys “digestive system is slowing down; this happens due to age; when the “enzymes in the tummy and intestines do not break the feed and hay down;

    So basically speaking; the reason the Green Grass suddenly affected Norma is because “her digestive enzymes are getting lower and she could not digest the green grass as she did before

    so I would say: some type of digestive enzymes would help alot !

    I think you can get a “Fortified Feed with Digestive Enzymes added; one company that makes this is Purina Mills

    I know Purina Mills is commercial; but they do have good feeds !

  6. Casey O'Connor

    Dawn, have you checked out “Laminil”? I think it’s experimental but having huge success – if you contact the people who make it, you could be a trial. One of my FB friends has really had some real success with it and they’re looking for different scenarios – long term, just happened, horse, donkey…? Poor Norma, she needs to be fixed so you can stop messing with her!

  7. Kathryn

    you described exactly what I am going through with attitude from my mare, I was thinking it is my imagination, she is in a stall for a bad leg right now and hates it. Usually I spend about half an hour scratching her butt, but right now wont entertain me at all, she’s furious with me , breaks my heart, looks at me with pleading eyes when I leave and nikkers at me when I arrive , all horsey psychology

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