Today I was in a car accident.   Everyone is OK.  It wasn’t my fault and I wasn’t cited.

Normally, I would say that I was lucky that I was in my dually… but I’m not sure.  If I had been in a smaller car, there would have been less damage.

I’m quite rattled.  I think because I didn’t see it coming.  I only felt it – after – and had to look in my sideview mirror to understand what I felt.

And then I was stunned.

Shocked.

Was I just in an accident?!  Is anyone hurt?!

LIFE PASSING BEFORE ME

I’ve had this happen once before.  It was when I was on a runaway mule.  I knew I was in real trouble and everything around me slowed way down.  I was acutely aware of what was happening outside of my body, but also very aware of how my mind was trying to pull together – very quickly – all the experiences in my life to figure out if I had a solution to this very large problem.

But that was not how it was today.  I had no idea anything was happening until after it had happened.  “What happened?!”  I had no idea.  The unknowing was very unsettling.

Once again, time slowed down for me.  As soon as I understood that the image in my side view mirror was a ‘car accident’, my mind went into overdrive.

Stopped in the middle of the intersection,  I saw the faces of every driver on all four sides.  No one moved.  Everyone let me decide what I was going to do – where I was going to go.

At that point, the shock part was settling in.  I could see the commotion around the incident area put I could hear nothing.  My mind was very calm but hysterical at the same time.  It was as if my survival persona was telling me what I needed to do, but my mind was screaming.

I called 911

“I was in an accident.  I don’t know what happened.”

The operator asked me questions as I walked back to the scene.  A woman grabbed my arm and said, “You had the green.”  I turned my head slowly as if in a dream – but she was gone.

When I reached the scene I just said, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t see you.”

At that point, more officers had arrived and one took me by the arm and walked me across the street.  She took my statement.  I started to cry.  She asked me if I had been drinking or if I was  on my phone when the accident occurred.  I said no to both.  Another policeman came over and took photos of my truck and made some conclusions about how it was hit.

My mind was confused.  I wanted someone to tell me what happened so I could make sense of it but the police kept asking questions instead… I was present but my mind wanted to checkout.  I called Hubby.

ON MY WAY HOME…

The police didn’t cite me and they told me that all the witnesses said that I had the right of way and that I was driven into.

Of course, it was all timing.  He said that we were both very lucky.

Timing.  It was the timing of it that had me spinning.  If I had been later, it wouldn’t have happened at all.  If I had been earlier, it would have been much worse.  Did my decisions today lead up to this?

… if only I had left the restaurant earlier… if I hadn’t stopped at the market on the way home… If I hadn’t made the right instead of the left out of the market…

Did any of that matter?  Or was today our day to collide.

CALLED MY INSURANCE COMPANY

As instructed, I called USAA as soon as I got home.

To my surprise, the adjuster was an angel.  “From now on, we’ll handle it.  Just be happy that you are all OK.  These things happen thousands of times a day.  This is what we do.  This is why you carry insurance.”

The image of thousands of people walking around in a daze like me – or worse – every day… sobered me.

Instead of seeing my life pass before my eyes, what I had seen was the horrible potential of living a life knowing what could have happened today – if I had been a few seconds earlier.

Thank you, godsinheaven, for sparing me – and the intimate stranger – from our lives being forever changed in that moment.