OK, this is maybe the oddest thing I’ve ever imagined about my horse…
But, I swear… almost every time after I totally groom Mama Tess with all of my best, fragrant supplies (Equi-Spa), and then go about my business….
La de da dum de dumm dum.
I’ll then walk back into the barn, forget that I’ve just groomed her and I’ll catch a whiff of MT and I’ll wonder to myself, “Hmmmm, she smells good, I wonder if she has a date tonight…?”
And then I’ll catch myself, remember that this is a horse I have recently groomed which is why she is so fragrant, and then I’ll smile to myself sheepishly (hoping no one else could read my mind…) and move on.
I swear I do that.
Am I the only one?
Whenever I detect perfume or cologne on someone, I always think that they must be going somewhere special… even my horse, it seems.
A FEW MORE RIDICULOUS THINGS
Since I’m embarrassing myself here, I’ll tell you other stuff I do all the time while I’m in the barn.
Probably because MT lives in the barn and I spend a lot of my day in there, I have gotten very familiar with working around a lame horse in tight quarters.
For example, if I brush up against her or trip and fall into her, I always apologize.
“Ooops, sorry Mama!”
-She must think that this is the noise humans make when they bump into horses accidentally.
Another silly thing I do is when MT steps onto her Theraplate, waiting for her meal, I’ll always say, “I know, I know, I’m coming with your dinner, just a minute or two…”
At this point, she knows that this melodic phrase is what her two-legger vocalizes back to her when she nickers for her dinner – and very soon after (about a minute) her dinner arrives.
But, truthfully, I could say anything in that same rhythmic tone and she’d think her dinner was coming in about a minute.
“Hey Mo, Hey Joe, buy something with Yo winner, bust a SlimJim or two” and she’d still think her dinner was coming in a minute – and she’d be right.
ANOTHER RIDICULOUS THING I DO IS ACT LIKE HER WAITER.
Me: (holding a full bowl up to her nose): Here, Mama, may I interest you in a lovely bowl of LMF Low Carb for Seniors, ahem, I mean ‘ladies of maturity’?…
MT (sniffing and turning her head): No. Although I appreciate the suggestion, my palate is more inclined towards coconut this evening.
Me: (scurrying into the feed room): Ah, then some very fresh and saturated CoolStance would be in order, is that correct, Miss?
MT (sniffing and accepting the bowl): Yes! That is perfect!
I then check on her and ask how she is doing and if she is enjoying her course. I look to see if she has completed it and then I clear her plate and replace it with the next course. When she leaves the table (or in this case, the Theraplate), I always ask where she would like her last course and I put it wherever she has indicated – usually on her veranda.
While she is enjoying her last course, I carefully organize the food she will need for the evening while I’m sleeping and I put it in all of her favorite spots.
Once I am done preparing and placing her food, I don’t give her a bill but I tell her to “Enjoy her evening” and that I love her very much.
I usually get a sweet glance and a nicker as a tip.
She may think I’m a very silly human – but she tolerates me, just the way I am. (Hence why we love our pets, eh?)
JEWELRY WITH A PURPOSE – For the horses!
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