Category Archives: Things They Should Invent

Every Spring My Mare Joins a Religion… And, a List of Things I Wish They’d Invent!

Every Spring my mare joins a certain religion.  Well, it may not be in the Spring.  It may happen deep in the throws of those stormy winter nights when all the wild things are calling to her and I’m not there to run my fingers through her mane and tell her it will all be OK.   I don’t know…  All I do know is that when the Golden Orb of Spring finally illuminates the barn and I actually take a better look at her  (not the cursory “are you bleeding” daily glance while feeding), I notice she is proudly emblazoned with the tell-tale signs of conversion.  Yup, while I was in the house, slaving away against the harsh, cold winter, my little mare was letting her locks run wild.  She was, gasp, joining the Rastas!

Does this ever happen to you?  One day, all of their hair is perfectly aligned and the next, Rasta!  So, today, embarrassed by what the neighbors might think, I grabbed my tools of deprogramming and set in to wrestle my beautiful mare back from the depths of dread.  What are my very special tools, you ask?   I use the Cowboy Magic potion of detanglement and my black Goody wand of no resistance.

However, after an hour of intense detanglement  (and rampant detachment), I had hardly made a dent against this web of darkness and dander.  I knew I had to pull out the big sword, Lord Fiskar.  No Rasta is a match for his blunt and brutal wrath.  But, releasing the power of this holy orange belted master of Edge does not come without loss.  To use the Almighty Fiskar, I know I have to forfeit some Rapunzel.  Ahhhh, the agony of defeat is adding to the sting of Cowboy Magic lotion that is searing the flesh of fine, new cuts traversing my delicate and aching fingers.  This is when the mind game sets in for real…  If I Fiskar the wrong artery of the dandermass, a great loss of Rapunzel is sure to happen.  Which strand to cut?!  Which strand to cut!!  (I suddenly felt like Bruce Willis, sweating in an air duct, trying to figure out which wire to cut before the bomb explodes.)

Eventually, I just gave up and started cutting willy nilly.  After all, I had dishes in the sink and work to tend to.  But, I have found during previous Springs of Detanglement, braids are the perfect cover-up.  Not only do they keep your newly de-programmed, school girl pigtailed mane safe from any further Rasta envelopment, it also covers up my ability to ruin every hair cutting job I’ve ever tried.  Don’t even ask me to cut your bangs…

So, from now on until the first signs of Old Man Winter reveal his cold bald head, my little mare will be the glorious, braided maiden that she blossoms into every Shedding.  Thank you, oh holy Cowboy Magic and Goody wand.  Thank you.


1)  Fear Of God Mist (or spritz):  All I want is a little dab of mist or spritz or something aromatic to blast into my long yearlings who suddenly feel they are all that.  My sweet little darlings from Fall have had too much time over the winter, growing and becoming full of themselves.  If I had the Fear of God Mist, I could just squirt a little gentleness into their upper decks and bring them right back to where they were when they thought I was bigger — without having to spend all that time convincing them again.

2)  Hair B-Gone:  This could work two ways.  First, you could spray it onto your clothes before you do anything in the barn and absolutely no hair will grip onto any part of you — at all.  Or, you could use it post Hair Annihilation to make all the strands fall off gracefully and pile into a neat stack for the hair gremlin to come by and make it into a fashionable scarf.

3)  Gate Symphony:  This handy item would cover the gate like a silicon spray.  Upon contact with any hoof or leg part, the gate would immediately play your favorite calming symphony.  Or, it could just say, “I love you, Mom and I’ll stand here being patient because I know you are busy” in the sweetest nicker ever heard…  Eventually, because the horses would also be so mellowed (or completely frustrated) by this item, they would train themselves that using the gate as a dinner bell just doesn’t work anymore.

4)  Fenceboard Smacker:  This little device would enable a fenceboard to come loose, but still be hinged on one side, and with velocity, come around and smack any horse on the behind who is sticking its head through the rails.  Immediately the board would re-attach itself and the horse would be none the wiser.  This should train any horse who is sticking their head through the fence.  And, besides the benefit to your fence, you would no longer have horses with a big hunk of mane missing in the middle.

I have lots of other ideas for new inventions.  Do you?

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Itsuko, great grand daughter of Native Dancer with 99 starts of her own, won $100K, had several foals and then was left… forgotten.  Starving to death.  Click on photo to read her story.  (photo credit, Trish Lowe)

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Unusual Markings! Always fun… And things I wish they would invent!

Note:  12/8/10

Today got away from me… I spent the entire day with Norma and hadn’t prepared my post for you in time for my deadline.  So, I hope you don’t mind me re-posting an Oldie but Goodie.   Thank you for reading!


I’m writing about unusual markings because I was under the wrong impression for several hundred years.  You see, I have a Shetland, Dodger,  that I rescued off of a pony ring.  He was at auction.  Indeed, he had several ugly scar patches of white hairs on his shoulders, but he also had stray white hairs along his back.  At the time, I thought he not only had an ill fitting saddle at his wither, but howdy howdy, his saddle rubbed incorrectly all over his back! (Pictured is a long hair coat on my pony taken today.  All those white hairs will become a web pattern.)

Now, major scarring would be easy to believe because this little pony does have awful conformation.  It would make sense that my pony right circler would have many scars from those tiny kid saddles along his slab-sided top line, narrow high withers and chicken hips.  So, for many years now, let’s say… 14, I’ve believed that he had awful scars that kept growing over the years…  Huh?  Wait a minute… Scars that grow?  OK, something was up here.  So finally I decided to figure out what the heck was going on with this spider web pattern of white hairs growing on his back.

Lacing!  Have you ever heard of it?  Me, neither.  It can also be called “Giraffe markings”.  Literally, every year, this pattern gets bigger.  After doing some research, I find that the lacing is genetic and it grows as the horse grows.  So, all these years I’ve been blaming a non-existent saddle when in truth, he has a rare coat pattern called “lacing”.  Wow.  Just another horsey marvel…

Cool, eh?  I’ve added a few pics of better examples.

As I was thinking about odd patterns, I thought I would look to find unusual marking on the Internet.  Here are several.

1)  This is called “Birdcatcher”.  It is really an unfortunate pattern!  If you can’t quite see it, it appears that the horse was sitting under a few pigeons. .. I think, if it were my horse,  I would just get a sharpie or some food coloring or dye of some type.  Maybe shoe polish… In my head, I get this image of my mother running over with a tissue she’s wet on her tongue to furiously try and wipe off the bird droppings from my show horse….

2)  This one has no name.  It is a big blob of a darker color that looks like your horse is wet in that one particular spot.  These kind of marks remind me of that Far Side cartoon many years ago… It had the one bear with a bullseye marking on his chest and the other bear says, “Bummer of a birthmark, Larry.”

3)  A Heart.  I wonder what they named this horse?  Cupid, probably.  I think I’d like Montague for a colt and maybe Juliet for a filly.

4)  Brindle!  Wow!

5)  This baby is a Fresian/Appy Cross.  Way cool! I would love to see where this baby is today!

6)  These next two are just unusual…

The first looks like half dun or buckskin and the other half, I’m not sure.

The other is a bay horse with a flaxen tail.  It almost looks like extensions.

7)  I love the question mark on this horse.   It also kinda looks like a duck at the top and a tie at the bottom.  Maybe a duck with a really long neck.  Or a duck tie.

8)  And, last but not least, here is a horse with a horse on his forehead.  Perfect!



It never fails that if I am going to take a photo, every horse crowds right up against the lens.  I have to either surprise them and take a bunch of photos before they catch on, or I have to distract them by throwing carrots and then I only get horsey bottoms.  But, with a HorseCamForceField, I would be saved!  With this invention, all you would have to do is push a button and a light mist would stun your horses into a lovely, dreamy state.  They would feel like posing and moving close to the camera would be a far away thought.  They would be inspired to love life and do their best to resemble Barbaro.  And, as they prance around, trying to get the perfect action shot, all you would have to do is push another button that makes them freeze in their most becoming action stance.  Ahhhh.

HorseCamForceField App – In Hand Genie:

This would be an application for the HorseCamForceField.  When you are alone, you could just push a button and your genie would arrive to park out your horse for a decent standing shot.  As we know, it is impossible to quick run out and take a successful in-hand shot of your horse.  But, now with the In-Hand Genie app, all you do is push a button and out pops a little replica of Clinton Anderson or Robert Redford as the Sundance Kid or John Wayne.  If you upgrade, you could get Brad Pitt from Legends of the Fall.

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INSTANT KARMA DO-GOODING! Our December Bucket Fund
HELP AND GET A PAYBACK!!   Donation Gift Certificates are here (link)!  Yup, if you donate to help Tullie (the burned horse), Gump (the ugly horse), Dixie (the starved and sick horse) or the Wild Mustangs/Burros (the gathered horses), you can now get  “A Donation has been made in Your Honor” certificates to give as gifts!  You can give them to coworkers, family, friends or even in lost pets’ names… for this Holiday Season. Yay!  INSTANT KARMA!

Click here for the Bucket Fund Donor Gift Certificates

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