I posted this a while back… but today when I saw this ridiculous flymask AGAIN for sale out there – I wanted you all to take note!
Actually, to be fair, has anyone had a good experience with this flymask? If so, please let me know!!
Otherwise, read on…
THE NACHO LIBRE AVENGER FLY MASK!
Where do I start with this one?
So, let me step back a bit… A few days ago, I wrote about products and mentioned that I was going to order this particular fly mask because it looked like the Avenger or a horsey wrestler mask. I thought my husband’s draft cross horse, Bodhi, would be a prime candidate for Super Hero status. Besides, they were on sale. So, I purchased three (XL, L, M) in purple, of course!
Good question. Well, it is fly season. And, like most of you, I always have plenty of fly masks as the season starts… But, as we all know, it is a horse’s delight to stomp them into the ground, lose them in a far off corner, pull them from each other by ripping the velcro off, catching them on fence posts then pulling with all 1000 lbs and of course, just rubbing the life out of them. So, fly masks are fairly expendable around here. Or, at least the horses think so.
Because I always seem to need fly masks (yes, we use garlic and predators), I am constantly looking for the little devils on sale. Lo and Behold, I found these faboo looking masks, with zippers no less, for 33% off on Big Dee’s website. Alright, yes, I was a little leery since who in their right mind would discount a fly mask at the beginning of the season? I kinda knew something was probably fishy. As I was writing my previous post, I mused that perhaps the zippers (I know… a zipper in a fly mask? Go figure…) were unstable. I really had no idea why these masks were being sold at such a reduced price. But, I was game so I clicked the Pay Pal trigger and ordered enough to get free shipping.
The Fed Ex Ground guys comes today and hands me this tiny package. Yay! I thought it was my new Blackberry upgrade. As I ripped open the box, expecting to find a phone, I was bombarded with a million horsey flyers and brochures. Still thinking in a Verizon way, I was confused on how the phone company knew that I would be a horse product buyer and thus stuff my phone box with marketing materials. I thought internet marketing had reached an all time high (or low…). But, once I got the package totally opened, I realized that this was indeed a horse product. There at the bottom of the box, under all the hoopla of brochures, in three tiny packages were three tiny fly masks. I swear, I picked one up and it had the weight of a piece of lingerie. Huh? Are they making horse products out of NASA super light, Tyvek materials now? How could this tiny pantie work as a fly mask?
As I looked over my Victoria Secret fly mask like a monkey holding a strange cloth, I noted that no where, not any where, at all — was there a manufacturers name. I didn’t see it on the web page, the receipt or on the product. It just says, “Lycra fly mask with ears and zipper”. It did have a MADE IN PAKISTAN tag on the mask itself.
OK, well, time to test.
As I opened the tiny package and pulled out the XL, I noted that the face netting was very poochey. I couldn’t imagine how any horse would need that much real estate in face netting but I figured they must have big poochey faced horses in Pakistan… Anyway, I wasn’t going to let that pooch stop me. I had a horse to make into a Pro Wrestler! I grabbed my camera and headed out to find poor, unsuspecting Bodhi. He is such a sweet horse.
Bodhi nickered his usual low, under the sound barrier nicker and I responded with, “Look what I have for you, handsome boy!” He looked at me with wide eyes, “An apple?” Nope. I have a newfangled fly mask for you to try. “Well, is there an apple in it for me?” C’mere. Let me just slip this pantie over your head.
This is where I wish I had a videographer to record me trying to get the thing on him… He was being a good boy and standing perfectly still… I just couldn’t figure it out. You see, if you have the thing unzipped, you have to rezip it while it is under his hairy chin. I kept getting flyaways caught in the zipper and zipping his chin into it. OK, forget that. So I took it off and started the zipper. Then, I put his nose through the narrow opening of the started zipper and pulled up. A bit Tight. I started fussing with the Lycra and it seemed to stretch enough so that he could still eat but it wasn’t really the way it should fit, I didn’t think.
Then, I had to get the floppy part over his ears. So, I pulled the big poochey section up over his face. Hmmmm. The ear mesh area would need to be stuffed with ear. Bodhi just stood there and let me do this to him. Oy. His forelock was sticking out everywhere. There was no forelock hole, so his hair was all crammed down in the ear mesh area and around his pole, thanks to the tight purple Lycra poll cap. So, I pulled all of his hair out and it kinda stood up behind the Lycra poll piece. Nice… He looked like a punk rocker wearing a wrestling mask.
I proceeded to adjust the whole thing and then try to zip the zipper the rest of the way. I zipped it about another inch and then realized the rest was a no-go. There was no possible way that his jaw would fit in there. Luckily, however, there was a velcro piece at the end that just lets you velcro it together — probably for people like me who just want to get the darn thing on and quit messing with it! Or, perhaps even the designers got frustrated and said, “Just put some velcro there and it will fit a llama or a horse, I think, maybe, whatever, just put some velcro on it! Oh, and remember that llamas have poochey eyes!”
So, here is a photo of Bodhi in his not quite zipped Nacho Libre Purple Avenger Mask! As you can see, the face piece is still poochey but at least it doesn’t sit on his eyelashes. Bodhi didn’t seem to mind that it wasn’t zipped. He probably preferred it, actually. After I got his forelock figured out, he seemed fine with the mask overall.
However, I could not stop giggling! He looked at me, “What?” He was so plaintive. “Do I have an eye goober? Why are you laughing so hard? Does this make my nose look big?” Poor Bodhi. I didn’t want him to be alone in this so I grabbed his pasturemate, Remi.
Do you remember Lurch from the Adams Family? Remember how he would just mumble and shutter every time they asked him to do anything? Yup, that’s Remi. (Actually, I have several that give the Lurch snort when I ask them to do something…) She lets out that shudder and Lurch neighsnort thing. “You aren’t going to put one of those on ME, are you?”
Let’s talk about the Lurch snortblowneigh for a minute. I know that several of my mares will do it. If you bring them in from the pasture early or if you ask them to pick up their foot when they are busy doing something else or when you make them move out of the way for no apparent reason… you know the sound, right? It is a half sneeze, half snort, half blow that makes the human know that you are asking a bit much of them! It is an “Oh, alright, if I have to I will but I don’t like this and it was certainly not on my agenda for today…” type of snortblowneigh.
Anyway, Remi gave me that Lurch look and snortblowneigh as she eyed the mask. She even shuddered a little when I showed her the purple part. But, being the good mustang that she is, Remi grit her teeth and let me bestow upon her the same shame of her pasturemate. There! I said with glee. She just looked at me as if to say, “Are you blind, Woman? Is all your taste in your mouth? Do you really think this represents the Mustang spirit running through my veins?” C’mon, just humor me. Wear the darn thing and let me take a picture of you… you look like SuperNag! Snortblowneigh.
So, the fifth photo above is my two Avengers from the movie Nacho Libre with their brand new masks! They slay flies in a single, latex netted instant!
AFTERMATH – I wrote the above before I wrote this part…
Well, I went out a few hours later and Bodhi (in the sixth photo above) ran up to me so excited. It was if to say, “Hey look, I fixed it!”
Upon closer examination, it appeared to me that he did some modifications to his mask… It only had one ear mesh area left and the other was just a hole. I can see the reasoning behind this adjustment. It helped with his forelock so that was probably a good idea. Then I noticed the zipper was busted to bupkiss (seventh photo). I think a few powerful scratches on a fencepost would secure that modification. I also noticed the “Made in Pakistan” tag laying on the ground. I imagine it was a bit itchy for him. Lastly, I think Remi helped him with the poochey front netting. It looked like she either nibbled away at it or just bit the beejesus out of it because there were holes everywhere. Or, maybe Bodhi did it himself by rubbing on the fence boards. Dunno. All I can say is you get what you pay for… Lycra fly mask with ears and zipper cannot stand up to Bodhi and Remi the FlyMask Killers.
I think it is hilarious, sort of, that the mask now appears as a sad, purple Halloween pumpkin. I put it on my truck hood so everyone could see the devastation (or creative alterations) presented by Bodhi.
So that is my horsey product story for today. Or now better known as “$10.99 circling the drain in the fastest time ever!”…
Just a day in the life, eh? ;)