Category Archives: Humor

My donkey and the Iocane powder.






For those of you who have yet to view THE PRINCESS BRIDE, stream or rent it immediately.

images

NORMA JEAN AND THE IOCANE POWDER…

Now then… for the story of my donkey, Norma Jean, and the Iocane powder…

Clearly, she has seen the film.

Do you know how I know?

Because she is constantly looking for the poison in what I serve her.

MEDICINE

Norma Jean has Cushings.  Yes, I know, donks are not supposed to be able to become Cushings, but let this be a lesson for you.  Donks get laminitis, founder, IR and Cushings.  Especially if a neighbor feeds them carrots all day.

Sadly, due to these conditions brought on by my neighbor feeding extraordinary amounts of treats through the fence to Norma, she has had ample experience with poison (medicine) – and she is not having any of it.

I’ve tried disguising her meds in her favorite treats, and all that did was ruin her favorite treats for her.  Now, she will not touch an apple, pear, carrot, melon or bran muffin.

If I put a new ball of molassessy gooey yum (in desperation) or a little bit of something palate thrilling in front of her, it goes something like this:

Me:  Look at this new, wonderful treat I have for you!

NJ:  Uh, you take a bite first.

Me:  Why would I eat donkey food?

NJ:  Uhhuh, as I suspected…

Me:  No, I really do not like equine cookies… this is a treat for you.

NJ:  As I said, you bite it first.  If you survive, I will maybe eat it.

No matter what I bring to my donkey, she will be suspicious.  I can bring her an apple core and she will sniff and walk away.  “I didn’t see you take any bites…”

Literally, I have to eat an apple in front of her and give her a bite of exactly what I am eating before she will – maybe – take it.   Sadly, I’m not quick enough to slight of hand it so she doesn’t also see me put a pill into the bite I am removing from my mouth to give to her.

Norma can watch the others eat treats out of a bag in my hand, but if I reach my hand into the same bag of treats that I have just finished giving everyone else, she will demand proof of no medicine.

It is sad, really.  She won’t eat anything except what she knows to be safe.  Even if I am giving it to her.

Smart Donkey.

NICKER BAIT PILL CAMO

So, when I heard about Nicker Bait Pill Camo, I was immediately on board!  I thought the fragrance of these lovely treats would cover up the smell of the medicine and we’d be home free.  Also, being able to shove the pill inside the pit of yummy goo in the center was a real bonus.

The bag I ordered came almost immediately.  Yay!

So, I went around, specifically within sight of Norma, oohing and ahhhing to all the other horses as I presented and gave to them the luscious Pill Camos.

Oh man, all the horses gobbled up these gorgeous treats!  Of course, I made such a big deal and commotion over it all, the horses were lining up and jostling for position as I made my way around the pastures.

And then, it was Pony Pasture time.

So, I approached Slick with my mouth watering and throwing forth images of ice cream and cake… and Slick grabbed the Pill Camo out of my fingers as fast as he could!  Atta Boy!

And then came Norma’s turn.  She wanted to believe Slick, she wanted to partake… so I exclaimed excitedly and offered the morsel to NJ.

She sniffed…

and walked away.

I was CRUSHED.

I called to Norma and told her to “Look, look, Slick will eat yours!” – which he did.

She was not impressed.

I begged her to try.

NJ:  Nope. Shetlands can be very impetuous and not necessarily make decisions for their own good.

Me:  Aw C’mon Norma!  Everyone had one.

NJ:  Yes, but not everyone had the one you are presenting to me.

Sigh.

Case was closed.

So, I offered the last Pill Camo to Dodger who said, “I do what the donkey does…” and walked away after Norma.

I detect Iocane powder.

I detect Iocane powder.

I CAN CLEARLY NOT CHOOSE THE WINE IN FRONT OF ME…

Again, my exchange with Norma reminded me of the one of many awesome scenes in THE PRINCESS BRIDE.  I will share it for you fans.

Man in Black: All right. Where is the poison? The battle of wits has begun. It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right… and who is dead.

Vizzini: But it’s so simple. All I have to do is divine from what I know of you: are you the sort of man who would put the poison into his own goblet or his enemy’s? Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool, you would have counted on it, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You’ve made your decision then?

Vizzini: Not remotely. Because iocane comes from Australia, as everyone knows, and Australia is entirely peopled with criminals, and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

Man in Black: Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.

Vizzini: Wait till I get going! Now, where was I?

Man in Black: Australia.

Vizzini: Yes, Australia. And you must have suspected I would have known the powder’s origin, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You’re just stalling now.

Vizzini: You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? You’ve beaten my giant, which means you’re exceptionally strong, so you could’ve put the poison in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But, you’ve also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, so you would have put the poison as far from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me.

Man in Black: You’re trying to trick me into giving away something. It won’t work.

Vizzini: IT HAS WORKED! YOU’VE GIVEN EVERYTHING AWAY! I KNOW WHERE THE POISON IS!

Man in Black: Then make your choice.

Vizzini: I will, and I choose – What in the world can that be?

Man in Black: [Vizzini gestures up and away from the table. Roberts looks. Vizzini swaps the goblets]

Man in Black: What? Where? I don’t see anything.

Vizzini: Well, I- I could have sworn I saw something. No matter. First, let’s drink. Me from my glass, and you from yours.

Man in Black, Vizzini: [Vizzini and the Man in Black drink]

Man in Black: You guessed wrong.

Vizzini: You only think I guessed wrong! That’s what’s so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders – The most famous of which is “never get involved in a land war in Asia” – but only slightly less well-known is this: “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line”! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha…

Vizzini: [Vizzini stops suddenly, his smile frozen on his face and falls to the ground dead]

Buttercup: And to think, all that time it was your cup that was poisoned.

Man in Black: They were both poisoned. I spent the last few years building up an immunity to iocane powder.

 

JUNE BUCKET FUND:

FILTHY, SKIN and BONES: TOTAL, ABSOLUTE NEGLECT while with a trainer. Meet our June Bucket Fund Trio: Estelle, Gypsy and Royal.  CLICK HERE to read the story and donate!

Click to read the story...

Click to read the story…


Riding Warehouse
Your purchase with Riding Warehouse through this link helps the Bucket Fund!


Supporting The Bucket Fund through Amazon Smile
Please choose HORSE AND MAN, INC when you shop via Amazon Smile through this link.



HORSE AND MAN is a blog in growth... if you like this, please pass it around!



An old dog taught me a new trick today…






BEFORE WE BEGIN:  WE ARE ORDERING BITLESS LG BRIDLES THIS WEEK (FROM GERMANY).  IF YOU WANT ONE, PLEASE LET ME KNOW VIA THIS LINK.  YOU CAN READ TESTIMONIALS THERE FROM THE OTHERS WHO HAVE PURCHASED THIS AMAZING (IMHO) BRIDLE!

An old dog taught me a new trick today…

Have you ever fed for your friends?

On occasion, neighbors will ask me to feed or trade feedings.  I think usually we all use outside, ‘professional’ feeders… just to keep us all good friends.  You know, good fences make good neighbors and all.  But in a pinch, we ask each other.

Well, last week when I went to Oregon for the Holistic Grasslands Management Conference, I needed someone to wrap Tess’ feet.  I trust my neighbor so we traded.

This morning was my turn to repay the favor.

This is the very elderly, Whiskey, who never does anything wrong.  I wouldn't have to worry about him, she said...

This is the very elderly, Whiskey, who never does anything wrong. I wouldn’t have to worry about him, she said…

HER PLACE

Her place is very nice, in fact, I wish I had bought it when I came here.  The property has County water running through it (I was not aware of this very important asset when I arrived in Grass Valley – now the County water is highly coveted) so her grass is always lush and green.  I swear, the temperature is 10 degrees cooler there simply due to all that water.  They also have a huge pond with a fountain constantly fountaining.

It is nice.

Except, there is no main gate.  In other words, if anyone gets out of their pens/paddocks/kennels, they can really GET OUT.

Anyway, driving the 1 minute to get there and then feeding her 3 horses, 2 elderly dogs and a cat is an easypeasy thing.

Or so I thought…

As you can see, her place is lush and green from County water... I live a minute away and I have no grass left.  Nothing is lush and green at my place anymore.

As you can see, her place is lush and green from County water… I live a minute away and I have no grass left. Nothing is lush and green at my place anymore.

THE PROCEDURE

The procedure is simple.  The elderly dogs are both in a huge paddock with most of their daily needs met except food and a good walk.  The idea is to get the dogs out first, keep one on a lead while the other runs free down to the horse paddocks.

The owner said, “You want to run Jack, the Malamute, first because he’s a runner and he’ll take off if he is let go for long… but he will run down to the horse paddocks and you can switch dogs then.  Keep Whiskey on the lead until you get to the horse paddocks and then let him free.  Whiskey is a really good dog, he never does anything wrong, you won’t have to worry about him at all  – other than he is a bit deaf.”

…Here lies the critical error in a piece of pertinent information left out…

OK, when I arrived at the horse paddock with Whiskey on the lead and Jack (the malamute) running amuck,  I let Whiskey go and tied up Jack.

In this moment, the owner’s words were ringing in my memory, “Whiskey never does anything wrong…”.  So when I looked up, after the release, I was quite surprised to not see Whiskey anywhere in sight.

I figured I just couldn’t see him in all that tall, green grass.  After all, how far could he go in one second?

So, I didn’t think much of his disappearance and set about sweeping the horses’ mats, putting out food and cleaning manure.

INSTRUCTION 2 DURING THE PROCEDURE

Then I was supposed to take Jack on a walk around their pond.  So, after I was done with the horses, I put Jack on the lead and he told me where to go and what to do.  I loved him.  He was very kind.  He kept looking back at me to see if I was OK with it all… if he’d warp and I happened to woof (google it), it was no issue and he’d correct himself.  We had a grand 20 minutes or so.  And then he literally pulled me up the hill (like a true musher) and back into his paddock/kennel for dinner.

Alas, the other dog (the good dog), Whiskey, was no where in sight.

Jack and I had just gone around the pond… Whiskey was not there.

OMGosh.  Where was he?

THE SEARCH

I looked at Jack and asked, “Where’s Whiskey?!”

He looked back, “I don’t know, I’ve been with you!”

I ran up to the entrance to the house – the one without the gate – and ran out into the complex.  Luckily, the 10 parcels were inside of a gated community.  However, there were a million ways for a dog to escape so I didn’t feel secure.

I ran like a crazy woman, yelling his name – all the while knowing he was ‘a bit deaf’ and I was probably singing to the choir.   Drenched in sweat, I came back to the house.  Now what would I do?

I looked at Jack who seemed happy.  He wasn’t concerned, so I took this as a good sign.  Perhaps Angeldog Whiskey has done this before?…

Maybe I had missed Whiskey in the tall grass and he was actually diving after a ground squirrel or something like that!  Maybe I just needed to make another excursion around the place.

So, I did.  All the while, I called his name.  He didn’t answer.

Arrrghhhh!  What have I done?  I’ve lost their child.  I’ve lost their Whiskey who she says is the perfect dog.  Oh NO!

I went inside the house to cool down and think.

I was now searching the 10 acres and the entire neighborhood in total fear that I had lost their beloved Whiskey!

I was now searching the 10 acres and the entire neighborhood in total fear that I had lost their beloved Whiskey!

PANIC

I wasn’t going to panic because Jack wasn’t in panic.  I know this sounds insane, but these two dogs have been together for 10 years.  They were always together.  So, I figured this had to be a clue.  If Jack wasn’t upset, he must know he would see his friend again.

OK, my plan was to walk the streets again.

So, I opened the front door and… who do you suppose was standing there, wagging his tail with a huge smile on his face, asking, “When’s dinner?  I’m starved!   That sojourn I just took has made me really hungry!”

Hallalujah!

I grabbed Whiskey and hugged him – therefore rewarding him for running off.  Oy.  But, I was so happy to see him!

As we walked back together to their kennel, Jack seemed to take it all in stride.  Hmmmm.  Something tells me that he’s been through this drill before.

I put Whiskey in with Jack and fed them their dinners.

Peace fell upon us.

HMMMMMM….

When my friend came home, I did confess and tell her that Whiskey had given me quite a scare.

And she replied, “Oh he does that sometimes.  He goes to visit his old dog friend up the road, but he always comes back.”

Ahhh.  That missing piece of information…

 

Sweet, goodboy Jack with his ball and quick on his feet, Whiskey - back safe inside their kennel.  Phew!

Sweet, goodboy Jack with his ball and quick on his feet, Whiskey – back safe inside their kennel. Phew!

 

newrule2

JEWELRY THAT BENEFITS THE BUCKET FUND HORSES!  Every donation counts!  Click image to see the new pieces!

JEWELRY THAT BENEFITS THE BUCKET FUND HORSES! Every sale counts! Click image to see the new pieces!

ALL PROCEEDS SUPPORT THE BUCKET FUND!

See all the pieces for sale here: webpage, Or  Facebook!

Screen Shot 2015-04-23 at 7.25.18 PM

LOVELY RAW LAPIS! For the Bucket Fund!       $48
Gorgeous rough Lapis nuggets with Czech glass lapis beads at Sodalite bead closure with handmade Sterling Silver flower! 17″

To purchase, click here!

Screen Shot 2015-05-14 at 8.31.31 AM Screen Shot 2015-05-14 at 8.32.00 AM


Riding Warehouse
Your purchase with Riding Warehouse through this link helps the Bucket Fund!


Supporting The Bucket Fund through Amazon Smile
Please choose HORSE AND MAN, INC when you shop via Amazon Smile through this link.



HORSE AND MAN is a blog in growth... if you like this, please pass it around!